Mister Okay negli anni che trascorre su questa Terra (i 77 anni Okay On durante i quali si svolge il romanzo) si trova ad affrontare tre ordini di delinquenti: per primo il cosiddetto Sindacato Probiviri, un’associazione costituita dai più grandi capi di organizzazioni criminali del tempo, per ultimi gli Hard Baztard, una gilda formata da alcuni dei suoi figli naturali, che, a fine romanzo, si rivolteranno contro l’emo-linfa della loro stessa emo-linfa.
In mezzo a questa cronologia ci stanno gli OKAYLLAINS, epiteto che nasce dalla contrazione di Okay e villains, in quanto nemici giurati di Mister Okay, per l’appunto. Si tratta di birbaccioni fantasiosi, ognuno con la propria bizzarra peculiarità, ognuno di loro in qualche maniera traslato allegorico di un particolare aspetto storico-socio-antropologico.
Ci occuperemo, man mano, un po’ di tutti.
Oggi è il turno del… NOIOSONE.
“Theodor J. Oso, da tutti abbreviato in Ted, era l’uomo più noioso al mondo, o poco ci mancava. Lo era sempre stato, sin da bambino, sin dalla fase della lallazione, forse addirittura prima, nel periodo preverbale: c’erano suoi parenti stretti che ricordavano di aver provato un’irrefrenabile voglia di dormire durante i suoi primi vagiti. Quando era ora di metterlo a dormire, era più facile che ritrovassero la tata accovacciata a russare sotto il lettino, e Ted ancora sveglio ad articolare le sue prime paroline, che facevano sprofondare in un istantaneo sonno tombale anche chiunque altro avesse messo piede nella sua stanzetta.” (pag. 192, Mister Okay – Enlarged Version)
Ted J. Oso in effetti appare come l’esatto contrario dell’antagonista, o antieroe, classico: non fa entrate roboanti, non impiega mezzi rumorosi per caracollare contro il Paladino dell’umanità, né imbraccia armi sofisticate. Fin da piccolo infatti scopre di possedere una strana particolarità:
“Il fatto è che il tono di voce di Ted J. Oso, per una bizzarria morfologia del suo apparato fonatorio (l’estensione delle corde vocali, l’apertura del diaframma, il riverbero all’interno del cavo orale…), entrava in perfetta risonanza con le onde delta, cioè con le frequenze cerebrali ipnoinducenti, attivate solitamente dalla fase più profonda del sonno.” (ibidem)
Ok, è vero, siamo letteralmente circondati da persone che non hanno nulla da dire e che ci tengono comunque a dirlo. Gente che vorresti sempre accanto al tuo letto nei momenti di insonnia per domandarle: “Su, dai, ora raccontami qualcosa di te, come fai sempre, che almeno dormo…”. Qui però il caso è diverso: una versione iperbolica dello stracciacadsi più tipico.
Se nell’età dello sviluppo questo aspetto del suo sistema di comunicazione comporta per lui non pochi problemi di carattere sociale, facendo piombare in un sonno profondo chiunque gli si avvicini (compagnucci, docenti, tutori, stretti congiunti…), da adulto capisce che quel grave difetto congenito potrebbe benissimo giocare a suo favore. Incomincia a svaligiare banche e negozi, approfittando della pennica involontaria del personale.
È così che ben presto si circonda di auto di lusso, yacht, ville con piscina che occupa di straforo, vivendosela alla grande: gli basta solo avere l’accortezza di scapolare i corpi dei legittimi proprietari dello stabile, stesi in terra a russare privati della benché minima forza di volontà.
In seguito, si accorge per giunta di poter comandare i dormienti, al pari di un esercito di zombie, piegandoli ai suoi voleri. Gli basta aprire bocca e darle fiato.
Lo stesso Mister Okay, nonostante tutti le sue hack extraordinarie, è soggetto al tono soporifero di Theodor. Gli incontri tra i due perciò non sono mai scontati, a patto che il Noiosone riesca a sorprendere il Nostro Eroe prima che questi riesca a ficcarsi i diti indici nelle orecchie affinché la voce dell’arcinemico non raggiunga le sue onde cerebrali.
A tal proposito, vi segnaliamo un esaltante scontro onirico finale Noiosone vs. Mister Okay – a cui senz’indugio vi rimandiamo – che, nonostante le premesse, non vi annoierà affatto.
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